Welcome, comrades! Today, we’re taking a trip back in time with some hilarious jokes about Russian history. Don’t worry, we promise it won’t be as long as the endless winters in Siberia. Whether you’re a history buff or just looking for some laughs, these Russian jokes for kids are sure to make you chuckle harder than a Matryoshka doll rolling down a hill.
So grab your fur hats, put on your best Russian accent, and get ready for some laughs that would even make Ivan the Terrible crack a smile. Let’s get started with these history jokes, comrades!
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
Why was Peter the Great always hot?
Because he was Russian around all the time.
How does every Russian joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
What do you call a group of Russian tsars playing hide-and-seek?
The Romanovs!
Why did Lenin only drink chamomile tea?
Because all proper tea is theft!
Why did Ivan the Terrible get rid of his kitchen staff?
Because they were always Stalin!
Where did Ivan the Terrible get his coffee from?
Tsarbucks.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Why was Catherine the Great afraid of horses?
Because she heard they were always neighing behind her back!
I don’t like Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
What do you call a Russian ruler who’s also a magician?
Tsar-cerer!
What’s meant by an exchange of opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union?
It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s.
Russian history in five words:
“And then things got worse.”
Why was Russia late to the UN meeting?
Stalin, as always.
I had trouble getting into my vacation home in Russia. I had to call a locksmith because I lost my Siberian Housekey.
It seems I can’t find the border between Russia and Alaska using my compass. I couldn’t get my Bering Strait.
What’s Russia’s favorite streaming platform?
Nyetflix.
What do you call it when there is no Internet in Russia?
Internyet.
Teacher: Ivan, tell us, who was the first country to land people on the Moon?
Ivan: It was our mother Russia, Comrade!
Teacher: Very good, Ivan! And what did the first Russian cosmonauts find on the Moon?
Ivan: The American flag, Comrade!
Husband and wife are arguing…
The husband thinks it’s raining.
His wife says, “No honey, that’s snow”.
So they ask Rudolph, their soviet friend what he thinks.
He says, “That is rain, comrade.”
The husband says, “See! Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Do you have any more funny Jokes about Russian history?
Sharing is caring. Help us build the BEST resource for clean and funny kids Russian history jokes (Catherine the Great jokes, Ivan the Terrible jokes, Peter the Great jokes, communism jokes, Stalin jokes, Russian riddles and puns) on the internet… add any new ones you know in the comments below! Thanks a million!
I have a Russian history joke:
What did Katyusha say when her soldier came home?
Aww, you were Russian home to see me, weren’t you?
[Katyusha is a Soviet folk song.]
Thanks for these! Great additions!
Thank you!
I have a Russian (Soviet) history joke:
What do you call a Soviet leader’s vessel?
The USS. R!