Are you tired of your kids rolling their eyes when you try to teach them about history? Well, grab your musket and get ready to fire some laughs with our collection of jokes about the Civil War!
These Civil War jokes for kids are so hilarious, they’ll have your little ones begging to learn more about the Union and Confederacy. So put on your best Abe Lincoln hat and get ready for some historical humor!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln who?
Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class…
Boy: How did you do on your report card?
Friend: I did what Abraham Lincoln did.
Boy: What was that?Friend: I went down in history.
Why aren’t there many Civil War jokes?
People General Lee don’t find them funny.
Why did the Union soldier always wear his coat inside out?
He heard the Confederate army was looking for someone with a “blue” coat.
Why did the Union soldiers like to play cards?
They always had a deck of Union Jacks.
Why did the Union soldier refuse to wear a hat during battle?
He didn’t want to be a target!
Why did the Union soldier sleep with a hammer under his pillow during the Civil War?
To nail down his dreams of victory!
Why did the Union soldier go to the vegetable stand?
He heard they had great leeks!
What did Abraham Lincoln say after he signed the Emancipation Proclamation?
“That was a really freeing experience!”
What did Mason say to Dixon?
We’ve got to draw the line here!
Why did the Union soldier bring a ladder to the battlefield?
He heard the Confederate army was high on morale!
What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware?
Get in the boat…
Where did the General Grant put his armies?
In his sleevies.
Why didn’t the Confederate soldier want to go to the baseball game?
He heard the Yankees were playing.
What do you call a soldier who survived the Battle of Gettysburg?
Lucky.
What did the Confederate general say when he saw the Union army digging foxholes?
“They’re really digging themselves into a hole!”
People often ask me if I know my Civil War era historical figures…. My response is usually “General Lee.”
Son: I can’t believe I have to memorize the entire Gettysburg Address by tomorrow.
Dad: Make sure you don’t forget the zipcode!
Did you know that before the Civil War in school Jefferson Davis was voted most likely to secede?
Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
I was researching the Jackson family tree. I got back as far as the Civil Aar and then… I hit a stone wall.
Most people consider the Battle of Gettysburg the turning point of the American Civil War… For the Confederacy, it all went South from there.
What did one Union flag say to the other flag?…
Nothing. It waved!
We all know about the American Civil War… But the Canadian Civil War was resolved with a handshake and an apology… making it more civil than any war ever.
Do you have any more funny Jokes about the Civil War?
Sharing is caring. Help us build the BEST resource for clean and kid friendly Civil War Jokes (Civil War riddles, Union and Confederate jokes, Abraham Lincoln jokes and Civil War puns) on the internet… add any new ones you know in the comments below! Thanks a million!
